


25. Shatter

by maemusicmelody



Series: 100 KananaWoobys: prompt challenge [4]
Category: Love Live! School Idol Festival (Video Game), Love Live! School Idol Project, Love Live! Sunshine!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Blood, Cheating, Cutting, Depression, F/F, Hallucinations, Hearing Voices, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Self-Harm, Teen Angst, Triggers, What have i done to poor ruby, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-08
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-12-12 18:46:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,068
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11742981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maemusicmelody/pseuds/maemusicmelody
Summary: Ruby suffers from Anxiety and Depression. She's been doing so much better ever since she started her medication and with the help of her girlfriend Kanan. However, Ruby catches Kanan and her sister Dia having sex. Ruby loses it.





	25. Shatter

**Author's Note:**

> You can see me slowly losing steam writing this painful thing. Im sleepy. I might re-write this another day.
> 
> Anyway BOLD is the voices in Ruby's head.  
> Italics are Ruby's thoughts.

The perfect world she knew shattered like glass in a split second.

Ruby didn't want to believe what she was staring at. She didn't want to believe the noises she had heard across the hall the moment she walked into the house. She didn't want to believe it was real.

A dream. No. A nightmare. It had to be some sort of nightmare that she would wake up to a cold sweat in the morning. A figment created in her mind from all the insecurities that she's lived with all her life. Yeah that's what it was... Her anxiety medicine was kicking in and all the fears were manefesting itself into this horrible dream. Side effects. Just side effects.

**Are you surprised Ruby? Oneechan is so much prettier than you. So much smarter too and a lot more talented. Ruby tries really hard but can't make Mama and Papa proud...**

_Shut up! Please stop._

**You have straight A's but they arent as perfect as Oneechan's. You're not strong or confident. You're clumsy and make a lot of mistakes. If Mama and Papa don't want to deal with you, why would anyone else?**

_Kanan loves me._

Kanan made her feel loved. Kanan reassured her time and time again that she loved her despite any of that. "You're perfect just the way you are." Kanan would tell her. She would hold her tight, kiss her softly, make love to her like she was the only girl in her world. "I love you, Ruby."

**Look what she did. You were never enough. See. What did I tell you?**

_Shut up._

Ruby was paralyzed in her place staring into the dark room. It wasn't real. It wasn't real.

"Ruby? Ruby I c-can explain!"

That wasn't her voice. Right? Aha. It was someone else. Her heart was breaking.

"Why...?" Ruby's voice was barely above a whisper.

The image was replaying in her mind. No. Go away. She had to go to bed.

 _Wake_ _up. Wake up. Wake up._

"It's my fault... Ruby please." Someone else's voice. More familiar than the first. They lived together.

"Shut the FUCK up!" Ruby snapped. Ruby never cursed. She was even paid $20 just to say that word a week ago. They knew she was furious.

 **She** **lied to you. I told you, Ruby. I'm the only one that will ever love you.**

_Shut up shut up shut up._

Run. You gotta run. One step back. She had to get out of here.

"Ruby don't leave me."

Warm arms. There were warm arms wrapped around her. Something hot and wet was touching her shoulder. Tears. Kanan. She's sobbing.

Her heart was breaking more. She had to hold her. Kiss her. She had to make Kanan feel better.

**Don't. Don't comfort her, Ruby. Don't kiss the tears away.**

"You left me." Her voice was dead, all ounces of her usual warmth had faded.

"I'm sorry. I'm SORRY!"

**No she's not. She's not sorry Ruby. Don't listen to her.**

"Let go of me, Kanan."

"N-no. No. Please no."

Kanan was crying more, her grip tightening around Ruby.

_I need to comfort her... It'll be okay. We can talk about this._

**What's there to talk about sweetheart?**

"I said to FUCKING let go!"

But Kanan kept her grip on the hysterical girl. Ruby tried to push her away, thrashing around trying to break free, but Kanan was so much stronger than her.

**Weak... You're weak.**

The voices were ringing in her head. "Dia.... Diaaaa... Please." Kanan's voice, but she wasn't calling out for her.

_Make it stop. Please make it stop._

"Calm down, Ruby... Please calm down." Kanan was desperately trying to get Ruby to stop moving before she could really hurt herself. The redhead kept trying to pull at her own hair and hit her own head. "Ruby please."

"Calm down? CALM DOWN?" Ruby was laughing through her tears. Her blood was boiling. Her head was spinning. She didn't know what was going on anymore. All she could see was that imagine replaying in her head. "You FUCKED with my sister. You were sitting on my sister's face Kanan!"

"Ruby... I--"

"Shut the FUCK UP DIA! Not a word from you!" She didn't call her Oneechan? Ruby never called Dia by her first name. "How could you?! You knew how much I loved Kanan. Kanan was my girlfriend!"

"W-was?" Kanan's heart stopped beating. Please no. She'll fix it... She'll make it up to her.

"We're over Kanan!"

"Don't Ruby... It was my fault. Don't get mad at Kanan I--"

"Never speak to me!" Ruby growled at the figure in the dark. It was too hard to see now, her eyes sore from tears. "Don't you ever call me your sister again."

"Ruby stop..." Dia's felt her heart shatter.

"You didn't. You didn't stop when you fucked my girlfriend." Ruby hissed. "Let go of me NOW Kanan."

"Ruby..."

"I said LET GO." Ruby dug her teeth into Kanan's arm until the girl finally released her. "Now get the FUCK out of MY room!"

It was a threat. The girl practically chased the other two out of her room then slammed the door shut.

**It's okay dear. I'll make you feel better.**

* * *

 

The next day, Ruby didn't go to school. It didn't take long for the rest of the group to notice their little candydrop was gone.

"Neh neh, Dia-chan! Where's Ruby-chan?" Chika asked, worried about her fellow CYaRon member.

The student council president didn't look up from her book. She wanted to make it seem like she was concentrated on her studies to hide the dead look in her eyes. "Don't fret, Chika-san. Ruby just caught a cold."

"Ruby is sick, zura?! Can I stop by after school then?" Hanamaru looked extremely worried for her best friend.

"Me too. My little demon shouldn't be alone if she's not feeling well!" Yoshiko flinched however when she felt eyes glaring into her soul.

Kanan hissed, hating whenever Yoshiko insisted on calling Ruby her little demon. Her mistake though, because her noise was loud enough to being attention to herself.

"WOW SHINY! Kanan-chan's hair is down today hmmm~" Mari grinned a cheeky smile, leaning forward against the table.

"Shit you're right. Kanan-chan rarely does that." You snickered, leaning next to her childhood friend and moving her hair away. The laugh grew when she uncovered bright red love bites around her neck. "Wow! To think little Ruby did this to you? I'm impressed."

The guilt was eating Kanan alive as she blushed and smacked You's hand away from her.

"S-shameless..." She heard Riko mutter under her breath.

"Wow! How did Ruby-chan manage to have sex if she's sick?!" Chika exclaimed loudly. Geez she and You had no shame speaking about this.

"What a fiesty one! Rrrr~" Mari rolled her R's and chuckled.

Pleass stop guys.

Dia and Kanan's faces were bright red and they avoided eye contact with everyone.

"Well Ruby really loves Kanan-chan, zura~" Hanamaru was beaming, completely unaffected by the sexual discussion.

Please Maru... Stop. Their hearts were breaking.

Kanan was about to start crying when they were saved by the bell. She wasted no time to get out of that room before anyone asked her questions.

* * *

 

A week passed and Ruby still wasn't at school. Dia kept insisting Ruby was sick, but at this point everyone was getting super worried.

"Uwaaah let us visit!" Chika begged, practically on the floor now and clasping her hands together dramatically.

"She's contagious. I would advise you to not."

Something was wrong. Mari had been watching Kanan and Dia carefully, which was much easier fo her compared to the rest of the girls considering she had class with the two. The light in both of their eyes had faded. The smiles were fake and the laughs were forced. She knew her best friends better than anyone. Something happened.

"I'm going to visit today." She informed them. It wasn't a question. Mari was going to show up even if she had to break into the Kurosawa estate.

They all walked together, though Mari was a few steps ahead of their friends. She had a bright smile on her lips. "I'm so excited to see Ruby-chan! I miss my baby so much."

Strange. Kanan would usually fight her on that comment. Even though Mari has been calling Ruby her baby since they were kids, Kanan got really defensive when they started dating.

Nothing else was said until they arrived at the house. Dia ran ahead of them, not wanting Mari to see what she was doing. On the floor in front of Ruby's bedroom was a tray. Ruby didn't eat again.

She had intended to keep it a secret from Mari, but she couldn't help it. Dia broke down again, sobbing onto the floor.

"Dia... What's wrong...?" Mari looked at Kanan, completely confused and concerned. "Kanan, what happened."

Kanan sighed, helping Dia off the floor and trying to keep her steady. "Please... Have Ruby eat something. Even a little."

"I... I don't understand." Mari was scared now. The look in Kanan's eyes were so dead. Dia was crying her heart out. What had happened that was so bad that they couldn't tell her.

Dia staggered into Mari's arms. She was shaking as she pulled out a bottle of pills. "J-just make sure she takes her medicine. P-please."

"Guys I..." What was going on? It look as though if she wanted to find out she would have to find out from Ruby. "Okay... I'll talk to her."

* * *

 

Her room was dark. She liked it like that. The sun was still able to pentrate through the curtains that she refused to open, but it was fine. It was still dim enough for her to hide away.

The tears had dried up long ago it seemed. Even though it was still all she could think about, she couldn't bring herself to cry anymore. She was numb.

**Isn't it better this way? Who needs Kanan.**

_I miss her though. I want to talk to her._

**Why? So she could just break your heart again?**

Her stomach growled, but she didn't move an inch. Her body was too tired to leave the bed to do anything lately.

**Don't worry about it. You'll be with me soon.**

_Maybe I should go eat a little. Im kinda hungry._

**No. You'll just fall back into Dia's trap.**

Ruby could hear voices outside her door, but she didn't bother trying to listen to what they were saying. Kanan and Dia had been trying all week to talk to her, but she refused to see them. It would only make her heart hurt even more than it already was.

So she ignored the voices outside the door and began to do what she usually did when she was bored.

**Good Ruby. That's it. What a beautiful color.**

Mari had picked the lock on the door but Ruby didn't notice. She didn't even pay attention to Mari's loud scream nor when Mari grabbed her wrist. She just kept trying to do the same thing over and over.

"Ruby stop it! Stop!" Mari finally managed to yank the piece of metal out of her hands.

Mari was shaking, eyes filled with tears. Her heart felt like it was just run over by a truck.

Who's voice was that? It sounded familiar...

"Leave me alone." Her voice was so cold. Mari had never heard it sound like that before.

She desperately tried to search for answers in those emerald eyes, but it seemed as though the gems had lost every bit of luster, every bit of light. "No, Ruby."

She needed to clot the bleeding. There was so much blood. The girl looked so pale. Her wrists looked like shattered glass with those cuts across her skin. She needed a first aid kit, but she was too afraid to leave Ruby alone.

Ruby felt something press against her skin. Oh. A handkerchief. The other girl had tied it tight around the wrist that was bleeding more.

"Ruby I need you to eat this, okay?"

Ruby felt something pressing against her lips. Bread? It smelled like bread. Her tummy grumbled, but she didn't want to open her mouth.

"Please Ruby. For me? Just a bite."

One bite couldn't hurt right? Nibble nibble. It tasted so good even though it was just plain bread.

"Good girl. That's my girl." Mari hummed softly, trying to bite back her tears tho they dripped down her cheek anyway. She pulled Ruby onto her lap and ran her hand through the tangled locks. It looked like she hadn't brushed it in days.

Rustle rustle. Ruby could hear the medicine making noise as Mari opened the bottle.

"Okay I need you to drink this, okay?"

"I don't want it." She shook her head.

"Just one. It will make Oneechan very happy."

Ruby's hiss startled Mari. The blonde swore Ruby would do it for Dia. Ruby loved her sister more than anything.

"I don't have a sister."

Mari stared in shock.

"Okay... For Kanan-chan? Kanan-chan is very worried about you."

Again Ruby hissed. This time she was squirming again Mari.

**It's a trap. They put Mari up to this.**

"Kanan hates me."

"Ruby calm down." Mari tightened her grip around the shaking girl's waist. "Hey shh it's Mari. Take the medicine for me, and I won't ask you for anything else."

After a moment, Ruby gave in and took the pill. It was for Mari right?

Then she started crying. Her arms wrapped around Mari's neck and she sobbed. All this time, no one has held her. She needed the comfort. She needed to let it all out.

"Ruby, what's wrong?"

The girl shook her head. "Kanan... Oneechan..." She didn't wanna say it. She didn't want to believe it. Saying out loud would be like admitting that it happened.

Finally the two other girl's appeared at the door. Ruby didn't see because her face was hidden against Mari's shoulder, facing towards her wall, but Mari saw them instantly. Her arms wrapped around Ruby protecively as she glared at her two best friends.

"What did you two do?"

* * *

 

_No. Please no. Go away._

Ruby didn't have to turn around to know who was standing there. She could feel it in the way Mari was holding her and the aura in the air.

The world was crumbling again. Both Dia and Kanan's eyes were glued to the red spots on Mari's uniform until they followed the trail back to the source.

Dia gasped, covering her mouth with her hands while her eyes welled up with tears. Her sister did that? And look how pale and skinny Ruby looked... Why did this have to happen.

"Ruby...?" Kanan stepped forward though she met the eyes of a glaring blonde, golden eyes glowing protectively like a mother bear defending her cub.

"What the fuck happened Kanan." Mari growled, pulling Ruby closer to her. She was angry. What the hell did they do that would drive Ruby to this point.

"Don't worry. I'll fix it." Kanan looked into Mari's pleadingly. They were glossy with tears.

"Don't leave me with her." Ruby muttered loud enough for them all to hear.

"Please. Five minutes. Let's just talk."

Mari looked between all of them. She's so lost and confused. What was she to do?

"I'll be right outside the door, okay? If anything happens you come out and I'll protect you." Mari muttered, setting Ruby down on the bed despite the girl's efforts to cling onto her.

"You have some explaining to do." Mari grabbed Dia's arm and shut the door behind them.

Now it was just the two of them. It made Ruby's anxiety rise again, though the medicine was working well enough to force her to sit still.

"Ruby...?"

She felt a hand touch her arm. When she looked up, she saw Kanan crying while staring at her bloodied arm.

_Don't cry. Baby don't cry..._

**She deserves to cry.**

"I did this to you. This is my fault." Kanan whispered, choking on her words as she spoke. Everything felt so tight.

Ruby didn't respond. She just continued to stare at Kanan, without feeling.

"If I didn't make you happy anymore, you should have said something." Ruby had tears in her eyes but her voice was so cold.

"You did make me happy... You do make me happy."

**Liar. She's a liar Ruby.**

"If you wanted to have sex with my sister, you should have broken up w-with me first..." Her voice cracked. Oh no. She was breaking again.

"I don't want that... I want you to be mine."

"You had sex with my sister." She didn't notice Kanan approaching her.

"I don't love Dia. I love you. I love Ruby."

_Stop it Kanan. You're hurting me._

**Lies. Lies. Lies.**

"You're a liar."

"I swear Ruby. I'm not lying."

Ruby felt Kanan touch her. She flinched away and hissed.

"You said you loved me, Kanan. You made me believe you did. You made me believe in every word you said. Then you made everything shatter as if it was nothing..."

Glass was breaking and she could feel her skin stining again. It was hot and sharp... Make it stop.

"Listen. Even if you don't want me back, please eat. Please take your medicine. Please come to school so I know you're okay." Kanan managed to wrap her arms around Ruby this time before she could freak out and scream.

**Push her away. Don't let her touch you.**

_No... She's soft. She's warm... She feels like home._

"Don't hurt y-yourself anymore, o-okay." Kanan cried onto Ruby's shoulder. Her heart fell to pieces the second she saw those marks. "Promise me."

"I... Want to feel something." Ruby whined. She felt warm lips kissing her temple and nuzzling her hair. "It's all broken."

"I'll pick up the pieces, okay? I'll do all the work. Just take care of yourself and I'll give it back to you when it's all fixed." Kanan held onto Ruby tightly, scared to let go knowing when she did, Ruby would be gone.

"I don't... Want it back." Ruby relaxed in Kanan's arms. She forced the voices away. "Fix it if you love me. Leave it if you don't."

"I'll fix it. I promise I'll fix it." Kanan was over the moon, her sore heart finally feeling warm again.

"I promise I'll make you believe again."

**Author's Note:**

> Was that enough pain or...


End file.
